As a mom I spend a lot of time comparing my family and self to others. Not in an “I’m better” or “I’m worse” but in an “Is this shit normal?” sort of way. And truth be told I do sometimes find myself falling down that rabbit hole of “Am I the only one who didn’t brush their teeth this morning?” comparison.
See we live in a great town with awesome moms who rock the lulu and always have great hair. And often times I’m just looking like a rock, found under some dirt that could use a few more hours of sleep.
To be honest for a while I let myself feel horrible about it. I let myself feel like I didn’t belong. I let my bank account get a little too low trying to keep up with the Joneses.
Then few months ago something happened. I was at an all time low. I hated everything about myself and thought I was a horrible mom and an even worse wife. I weighted almost as much as when I was pregnant and couldn’t lose the weight no matter “how hard I tried” It wasn’t that hard of a try to be truthful.
None of my pants fit but I refused to buy anything bigger than a large. So one day with laundry backed up and nothing else to ware I put on a pair of my husbands sweatpants. I stood there looking at my body, the stretch marks from two children, the scars for surgeries, the pale skin tone from lack of sun. And I stood there. In my skin. For the first time actually thinking about myself and my being. Was this my “perfect body”? Was this where I was happiest?
I knew it wasn’t. But it still was my body and myself. Then a little voice from when I was young and stupid piped up. “It’s not the best or the worst of anything until you’re done.”
It was something I had embraced when I was working through some depression when I was young. It means there’s always time to improve or change. So standing there I embraced my husbands sweatpants and thought “No, this isn’t the best me. But this is me and that’s enough for today.” I got so much laundry done. Didn’t put any of it away but hey whatever.
It’s funny what a change in view can do for you. Shortly after that moment I started back up with hot yoga. Not to lose weight but to have something that was mine and for me to enjoy with no other strings attached. I found myself buying better foods at the grocery store. Meal prepping became easier. And I stopped stepping on the scale. I let go of the ideas I wasn’t good enough, that I had to change to be better. I wanted to feel better so I decided to. I’m thankful I was able to decide that.
I also started talking to other moms about how I was feeling. Being honest with myself and them. You know what I found out? We all have our scars, our weight we carry, and if you brushed your teeth at noon, you still brushed your teeth. And a coffee meet up can always help.
So today take a moment and sit in your skin. How do you feel? Why do you feel that way? Leave an honest note so we all know we’re no alone.