The Secret Bed: How we got our kid to stop sleeping in our bed (most of the time)

I remember it well, the days when I thought a queen size bed would be big enough for all my needs. Then we had kids. And that idea flew out the window, like my restful nights. Now I’m not saying we have bad sleepers. I have few friends who are much more reliant of caffeine than me. But every few months Big Bear has a stretch of bad nights. Once for about 6 weeks he was up from 12-5a.m. just to talk. That was fun and insightful. Hubs and I laughed at each other a lot….. but replace laughed with cried or yelled. (I hope my kids read this one day and then go buy my a spa, not a day, a spa)

So one day as we were trying our damnedest to explain something to a friend and had used the word “thingy” about 78 times, he asked if we were ok. “kids not sleeping.” hubs explained in his grog the caveman state. “oh yeah we went through that too. Just put a little bed in your room.” It was like heaven itself had shined down upon us. Angel with harps gently whispered “but you don’t have room, womp womp….” and flew back up.

Now it’s true we didn’t have room. The queen size bed I thought was so small now, took up 80% of the room. So I let the idea go and resigned myself to never sleeping without a heel dug into my shoulder blade again. Until I realized something. When we were young my 2 sisters and I had a bunk bed. Let that sink in. We solved the problem of too many people and not enough space by having a matters under the bottom bunk. As a teacher of mine use to say “light dawns on marble head”.

So the “Secret Bed” was born. We play it up cause at 4 you can still get away with it. It’s secret bed just for Bear that slides under our bed. He’s welcome to come into our room but if Mommy and Daddy are both in the bed he “gets” (not has) to sleep in his secret bed. He get a pillow from our bed and since he likes to drag all of his blankets and stuffed animals with him, it’s almost like his own bed. It’s right next to my side so if he needs anything I can hear him or reach down and give him a hug.

At first I felt bad since the reason I got from Bear when I asked him why he was waking up was “I just want to snuggle with you guys.” But I realized for someone who spent more of his day surrounded by people, night time might be a bit scary if you wake up. And since the boys share a room, it was hard to get one to go back to sleep without waking the other. Now some people are much more strict then me when it comes to where their kids sleep. Some people are much more relaxed about sharing their bed. I say, if everyone gets a good nights rest, you’re doing it right.

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